The Christmas Show That Never Could Be Part II
Written by Marsha Mellow 

So I guess you want to know what happened the night of the Phantasmagorical Christmas Show.

To only say that it was a true Christmas miracle would be an understatement. During the festivities I had gotten so consumed with my on star that I forgot the true meaning of the Christmas star. Sometimes you just have to be reminded of what is really important.

Not really sure how it all came about but I was feeling a little braver than usual, partly because I had just finished a photo shoot for La Dolce Vita by Lauren. In the shoot I was selling their new Diva Defense Spray that comes in multi leopard print cases and bedazzled with jewels; quite a smart little product. I know when I am out during this joyous receiving season I would rather blind someone and kick them in their mistletoe then watch them run off with a bag full of Christmas swag I had just bought myself. With my new found false sense of security I decided to walk and take a few short cuts down streets i would usually never go down. Would have no problem sending my assistant, Jimmy, but he had quit without even a notice. Apparently the camel attacks, hot glue gun burns, screaming kids and the baby elephant touching him inappropriately with his trunk was too much for him to bear. So since I had no time to hire a new assistant I was forced to run my own errands like common folk.

As I made my way down the streets it was getting dark and I witnessed things in the park and in alleys as I passed that I wish I rather would not have seen, things that made the six o'clock news look like a Disney movie pre Lindsey Lohan's Parent Trap. And I did nothing. I just kept walking at a hurried pace as if I was a lamb being chased by a hippo. Even as I walked by the high school I could hear a gaggle of bullies picking on a kid calling him horrible words that I have become tolerant of. I did nothing.

Finally I made it to the liquor store and hurried inside safe at last. I joked with my friend, Jafar, behind the counter as we had for years. As he had in Christmas pasts he tried selling me eggnog. Chuckling because he knows I have a very strong belief that eggnog is really just elf magic. As he was checking me out and boxing up my items for delivery the conversation became serious as he told me that this would be the last Christmas he would see me because he had been threatened way too many times since 9/11 and feared for himself and his family. I was really sad because I have never even seen him open a box of Grey Goose with a box cutter and doubt he really knows how to make a bomb. He is just my friend and that is all I have ever seen him as.

I left the store and began my walk home and as I was about to turn the corner I was nearly knocked over by a young Hispanic male. He did not smile. Of course he might not have been smiling because he was wearing the most God awful hoodie I had ever seen - all plaid and vomity. It honestly reminded me of the worst hang-over ever. We just stood there looking each other up and down, sizing one another up. Then it hit me like I was run down by a rabid reindeer.

Heaven forbid I was about to become the victim of a holiday pilfering! Dear God I was not even dressed for it. I had to think fast as I dug deep in my Prada man purse looking for the right Diva Defense Spray that coordinated with my Ralph Lauren Christmas sweater. With no luck I just looked up at him and said with my best Spanish accent, "Veuillez me dire où puisje trouver la meilleure barre martinis de la ville et chaud où les mâles Latino, lieu de rencontre" Basic translation; please tell me where i can find the best martini bar in town and where do the hot latin men hangout. I have always felt that is the only Spanish any red blooded American ought to need to know. This made him look at me like i was a complete idiot. All I could think was that once I found the right Diva Defense Spray and unloaded it in his brown peepers and kicked him in his jingle bells the look would melt for sure. The situation would have been more in my favor if I had not been so busy with that damn play and had had the time to find myself a holiday boyfriend to protect me from such holiday terrorist. Giving up on finding the right shade of arsenal I just flung my bag at him.

He caught it handed it back and finally spoke, "that was uncalled for Marsha Mellow, not much in the Christmas spirit are you?" I looked at him confused, "Yes, I speak English perfectly Ms. Mellow"

"Well you know my name, so what is yours? I feel I should know the name of the criminal that is about to make me a holiday crime statistic."

He told me his name was Noel Cruz. I began to laugh hysterically. I was being robbed by a Latin erotic male dancer.

Confused I asked him if he did my yard and had I forgotten to pay him. He just rolled his eyes telling me that I was not a very nice person. And I needed to make a change or I would be sorry someday. I was not filled with the true meaning of Christmas and I had no idea what it was or the true meaning of the gift of the baby Jesus. He went on and on. I know this sounds so cliché but I would be visited by three ghosts that would teach me the true meaning. Half way listening I just really wanted to invite him over so that he could shake me up some sassy dirty martinis with those big Latin arms. He followed me home Fa la la la la la laing behind me and when I turned to tell him that I was sure the crack house was missing him, he had vanished into the chilled December night air.

Turns out that Noel was not a liar and I did get those unwanted guest. Now I can tell you who came to visit but I can't tell everything they shared with me because I had to sign contracts about confidentiality and BS like that just in case this tale becomes a feature length Hallmark 25 days of Christmas movie someday. The first turned out to be the one person that taught me about performing -someone I had not spoken to in many years. It was my old mentor that showed me the ropes when I had begun my career of illusion, Lindsey Love who showed me the humble beginnings of MM before she was the swan. The second visitor was the ghost of Christmas present and let me tell you Michael Jackson can still dance! He told me that that very evening I had walked by all of that intolerance and I did nothing. Then he made me listen to his top ten hit, Man in the Mirror, like so many times I thought I wanted to take Maucauley Culkin hostage and beat the glitter out of him. Finally the next intruder was the ghost of Christmas future, that gay kid from GLEE, Kurt. We had a very in-depth conversation on religion and how somewhere along the way the Christmas story had become jaded.

I will admit that I often have issues with religion it is hard to embrace something that does not really embrace you. After a few more conversations about fashion and upcoming GLEE episodes, Kurt left leaving me to rewrite the entire Christmas show. In that time Jimmy showed back up with some holiday cheer and began calling all the kids I had banned from the show, even the Ginger one, asking them all to come to rehearsals tomorrow because the show would be that same evening and there was much work to do.

The next morning all the kids were there and that evening the show went on. My sister Wendy allowed me to borrow my nephew, Jaden, to play the coveted roll of the little big guy. And Natalee was also back in the production with a dance number to Joy to the World. My sister had pulled both kids from the original production because she felt my production was blasphemous. Up until she gave the green light we had been using my older sisters old Cabbage Patch Kid I had slightly tortured when we were kids.

And as the choir sang like angels, Oh Holy Night, little Landon Gray (who now knows where to do #2) the doorman to the manger pulled down the velvet ropes and called out for everyone to stand up from their seats and come see the baby Jesus who was born for everyone. The future plumber, Rylee Hodges, swung above the auditorium swinging her bedazzled plunger singing out "unto you this child is born!" That is right everyone no matter how rich, poor, beautiful, what color or sexual orientation this gift is for everyone. At that moment people walked up and everyone remembered why the shepherds where there, little Gage's dads, Todd and Brad came up to hold their son who lives in a loving home, maybe not traditional but it is loving. And Jafar came up to greet his little girl and on and on for the first time in many years I think people realized the true gift of Jesus was his message to live a life with love, tolerance and hope. That is what I am wishing for in the New Year.

I rode the high from that night for many nights, but still found myself alone on New Year's Eve. Was not really sure if I would ever see Noel Cruz again, but then as I turned around three seconds before 2011 began I had a tap on my shoulder I turned and there he was again...Can I buy you a very dirty Grey Goose Martini shaken with hope, tolerance and love for the New Year Ms. Mellow?

March 2011
Because I Care

February 2011
Full of Hate

January 2011
The Christmas Show That Never Should Be Part2

December 2010
The Christmas Show That Never Should Be

November 2010
Time Travel

September 2010
The Past Is A Prison

August 2010
Summer Is Cooling Down

July 2010
Taking Care of Dad

June 2010
When Life Throws You Potatoes

May 2010
Food Is The Enemy Part2

April 2010
Food Is The Enemy

March 2010
Laws For Love Part2

February 2010
Laws For Love

January 2010
The Ghost of Resolutions Past