Summer Is Cooling Down
Written by Marsha Mellow 

So what started out to be a summer to remember has turned out to be more of a summer of sheer unadulterated terror. I had no idea what I signed on for when I agreed to babysit my dad who has been touched with a crazy stick. Somehow I thought it would have played out like one of those feel good Hallmark movies, instead it is more like one of those teen parody movies. The only thing missing is an ax carting psycho sporting a hockey mask, and a zit faced nerdy teen looking to score for the first time. Although they might be welcomed characters to this monstrosity known as my life - swish things up a bit so to speak.

Of course I have had some highs this summer, the new Leonardo DiCaprio movie, Inception, delivered hard. Loved Shutter Island, but Inception is where it is at. Will someone give him some kids already? Both films he is longing for children. Has he been so busy keeping the world green he is completely unaware that California will allow moes to adopt tiny people? I am at a lost why he would want the little lime light catchers. He should have neighbors like mine; the menacing, angelic looking children the 2 "B's" that live next door to me who pack Satan stings.

Other highlights have been seeing, Wicked, and both nights at Lady GaGa's Monster Ball show. She is quite the little chatter box. My radio personality friend 104 KRBE's Special K and I hung with her after the Monday night show, she was not as interesting as I thought when I had met her before her Fame Monster album took off. I guess fame does that to some.

I am actually lucky that I got to do any of this because at Houston's Gay Pride in June I was nearly killed. Roula of KRBE's Roula & Ryan show nearly dragged me to death. That is some irony being dragged to death. The mobile studio known as the Beast had come to a stop and Special K jumped ship and told me that we were at our stop as I started to descend from the ladder to the pavement below Roula hit the gas causing me to hang on for dear life to my hair and the ladder, as the door continued to swing open hitting me. For certain I was a goner. My whole life played out in Imax before my baby blues. When I told the story and even when it was posted on FaceBook the one thing every person said; "Is it on YouTube.com" Seriously?

Speaking of FaceBook, do we really need a movie entitled the Social Network about the two geeks that may or may not have stolen the concept of FaceBook? I have already lost over I am sure twenty-one thousand hours to FB that I will never get back do I really need to waste two and a half hours on why I lost them and will never get them back?

Another joy that has given me Godiva Chocolate happiness is stalking man delight bartender, Nick, at 3 rd Coast Downtown. He has been quite the object of several fantasies. In one of them I reenact the scene in Titanic, the one where Jack and Rose are on the front of the ship, the one where Jack draws a nude rose, but in this one I dazzle it up a bit and I am the one doing the drawing since I am actually an artist, and if Nick were to see me naked it might make him self-conscience. These thoughts almost get me as worked up as dirty bad boy Grey Goose martinis. ALMOST! The other night when I was leaving I actually caught myself saying, 'I'll be stalking to you, I mean talking to you." He looked a bit confused and alarmed.

Of course returning to the stage for my two performances at Stars Beach Club has me all kinds of excited. I had started feeling a bit jealous of my dad who now is hosting his own Karaoke show at a local bar. It started out as hosting but now he has a band and does covers of, Color Me Bad's I Want to Sex You Up, The Dyvinil's I Touch Myself, Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby's Got Back, Sublime's Date Rape, both parts of Summer Nights from Grease, and Celine's My Heart Will Go On. All in the style of the Rat Pack, my dad perched up there in a tux and fedora and a cocktail in his hand that he constantly changes between both hands because this Prima Donna has a headset. It took me years to get one and then it didn't even work.

When my mom finally did return from her trip of playing Florence Nightingale to her sickly sister she was tanned and well rested it almost seemed as if she had been to a Spa for months. WTH!

For all of my hard work of dealing with my dad, my mom invited me to lunch with my youngest sister Wendy. They sat across from me squirming to tell me something. I thought it was going to be the happiest day of my life, that they were about to tell me that I was adopted and that my real family was out there. I secretly always knew I had far too much talent for these people who had been playing the supporting cast to me for thirty plus years.

That was not the news at all; it would seem that my youngest sister had something with a tail growing inside of her. Of course the tail would not be part of the costume when my niece or nephew actually showed up. Through all five courses of lunch not one bit of attention was thrown my way. It was as if I were being forced to watch a reality show. At the end I felt as if I was only there to pay the check. They did not ask me any questions about my Willy Wonka lifestyle.

Drove back home where the 2 "B's" greeted me with a complimentary glass of lemonade from their world famous Lemonade stand they operate every summer. Brandie the alpha B asked me why it looked as if I just heard they were going to reinstate prohibition. I told them the news about how some tike that was not even sashaying across the earth yet had stolen my glory. Brandie asked her younger brother, Blake, to run into the house and grab some of the hydro lemons she had been raising so that they could make some more lemonade before their happy hour kicked off. Once he was inside and out of ear shot of what she was about to tell me she laid out the most horrific story I had ever heard. She had seen it before, how she was sitting pretty with the world on a string then Blake showed up and it was never the same again. "What are you gonna do, Marsha Mellow, are you gonna let some tadpole bump you down the food chain where your family is concerned or are you gonna do what you need to do to secure your place in your parents hearts?' "What is that?" I asked, still sobbing from Brandies Power Point presentation of her horrible life. "You are gonna run away Marsha Mellow! That will get their attention; they can't invite an imposter to your dinner party!"

March 2011
Because I Care

February 2011
Full of Hate

January 2011
The Christmas Show That Never Should Be Part2

December 2010
The Christmas Show That Never Should Be

November 2010
Time Travel

September 2010
The Past Is A Prison

August 2010
Summer Is Cooling Down

July 2010
Taking Care of Dad

June 2010
When Life Throws You Potatoes

May 2010
Food Is The Enemy Part2

April 2010
Food Is The Enemy

March 2010
Laws For Love Part2

February 2010
Laws For Love

January 2010
The Ghost of Resolutions Past